Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
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My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
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Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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