I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
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i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I want to fling myself into the sun
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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