So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Pooping to opera.
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