Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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