In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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