i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize