I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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