Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
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Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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