I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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