Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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