What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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