you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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