My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize