i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
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They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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