duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
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I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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