The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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