Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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