Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
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I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
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I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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