she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
They have beer where we have blood.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize