i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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