Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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