Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize