I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize