the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
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He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
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My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize