I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize