Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize