Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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