I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize