ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize