I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
this will be a night to untag.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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