But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
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well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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