i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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