I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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