Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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