then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
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I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
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Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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