If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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