ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize