I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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