She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
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I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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