yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this just has baby written all over it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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