God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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