Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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