i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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