HIV tests are more positive than that guy
True but thats because hes a fetus.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
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So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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