I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize