He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize