is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
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my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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