If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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