Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
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you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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