I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I could fuck to npr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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